I Don't Belong Here
When you were here before,
Couldn’t look you in the eyes.
You’re just like an angel.
Your skin makes me cry.
You float like a feather,
In a beautiful world.
Everything else was forgotten. She came out from behind the rock as Luke and Dan were turning away from the flickering fire.
"Dan! You’ve got to help me! Bobby’s caught in a hole, and I can’t pull him out!" She stumbled and fell to her knees and burst out crying.
Dan stopped, staring in amazement…
Oh, God. What was she doing here? Now? Dan knew the way of gangs all too well. If he didn’t go with Luke, the older boy would carry out his threat and turn him in to the cops, accusing him of assaulting Mr. Maypenny, and robbing the Wheelers. The sight of Trixie, sobbing into her hands, made his throat constrict uncomfortably. Why should he help her? She’s been cold and distrustful from the start. But then he remembered those oh-so-disapproving china blue eyes and the deep felt need that he had to prove her wrong. He wanted so much for her to look at him with something other than contempt, something more. He wanted to be worthy…It didn’t matter what Luke did or said. He couldn’t leave Trixie here, alone, desperate. She needed him. What else really mattered in the end?
… and then, dropping his bag, he ran to her while Luke stood watching with a scowl.
"Trixie!" He helped her to her feet. "What’s the idea of being way out here after dark? Don’t you have any brains?"
Harsh. Inwardly, he winced. Was it fear that made him chastise her? Dimly he was aware of Luke ranting about the "little snoop." He ignored him. Trixie’s tear-filled eyes tore at him in a way that was unfamiliar and alarming. If Luke would wait for him, fine. If not, he’d have to sort it out later. That was that.
And I wish I was special.
You’re so very special.
But I’m a creep.
I’m a weirdo.
What the hell am I doing here?
I don’t belong here.
Dan wondered if his heartbeat would ever slow to a normal rate. He listened to the officer describe the scum that had almost hurt her, all the while, his gaze fixed on her pale, frightened face.
"The whole place is a rat run."
"I know," he said. "Why you ever came here, Trixie…."
Trixie’s blue eyes filled with tears.
"How did you find me?" she asked weakly.
"It was Dan," Mart answered.
"Not me entirely," he replied quickly, nervous in the spotlight. "If it hadn’t been for the doorman…"
He let the others talk. They were ushered into cabs and soon they were back in the apartment. Again the explanations were required. He told his story quietly, without flair.
"Trixie, we called the police and they came right away. That ride in the squad car was the longest ride I ever took in my life."
Did she know what he was really telling her? It was the truth. None of the horrors of losing his parents, of life on the street, of going up before the judge in juvenile, none of these things compared to the total abject terror that had washed over him the moment he realized just how much trouble she was in this time.
And yesterday she had danced with him. Him. He had tried to warn her, letting her know he’d probably trample her toes, and she hadn’t cared a bit. It had been wonderful. It had been heavenly. It had ended way too soon. For a few, precious minutes, she had been his. And then she was almost lost to them all.
She reached for Jim’s hand first, before taking his. He looked away.
I don’t care if it hurts.
I want to have control.
I want a perfect body.
I want a perfect soul.
I want you to notice,
When I’m not around.
"Help me, Dan--don’t let them move in any direction except toward the stable."
Dan grinned and jumped to herd Trixie in the right direction. As he touched her arm, his grin vanished abruptly...
For the first time ever, he was genuinely angry with her. Furious. She knew better. And Jim knew better. This is what they could expect from Mr. Honorable? His grip tightened on her arm, and an argument ensued.
A few minutes later, he knew his mistake.
"I’m sorry. I should have realized I know you guys well enough to know you wouldn’t try anything so dumb. That smell just--"
Honey cut him off before he could fully explain. He wanted them all to understand. He wanted her to understand. The idea of her sinking into the world he had so narrowly escaped stopped him cold. Was she mad at him? She didn’t seem too mad. But surely, his lack of faith would have upset her. He caught himself almost sneering at Jim. Lack of faith was Jim’s department, not his.
And the conversation continued, discussing Max and poor Mrs. Elliot. Dan listened, and supplied his opinion, and, as always, still felt as if he was only on the outside, looking in.
You’re so very special.
I wish I was special.
But I’m a creep.
I’m a weirdo.
What the hell am I doing here?
I don’t belong here.
He was worried about his uncle. Very worried. He didn’t want to believe the facts that seemed to be staring at him in his face. She was worried, too. He could tell by the way she lowered her voice and suggested they go outside to talk. He knew, if anyone could solve this mess, it was Trixie. He’d thrown in a word of caution, feeling some strange obligation to do so, and also let her know, in his own way, how much he believed in her. And she had blushed. She had actually blushed.
In her haste to leave the library without a confrontation with the librarian, Trixie rose too quickly and hit the back of the chair seat with her leg, sending the chair tumbling backward to the floor with a resounding crash. Flustered, Trixie whirled around to set it upright, got tangled in the chair legs, and tumbled to the floor.
Honey was giggling. He stared down at her, hard pressed to keep from laughing himself. It was awfully funny. But somehow, he managed to keep a relatively straight face. He wouldn’t laugh at her. He knew how much she hated to be laughed at. He knew the other Bob-Whites felt no such reluctance. Didn’t they see how much it hurt her? He rose from his seat, watching as she tried to disentangle herself. Really, she was such a klutz. She was absolutely adorable. Reaching down, he took one of her hands and helped her to her feet. He sent Trixie and Honey outside while he quickly gathered up the books and straightened up the mess they’d made. He hoped she wasn’t too embarrassed. Probably not, he reflected with a sigh, she probably wasn’t at all. Probably right now she was just enormously thankful Jim hadn’t been around to see another one of her infamous falls.
She’s running out again.
She’s running out.
She’s run run run running out.
"In that case, Dan," Jim said slowly, "that leaves only one female between the two of us."
Dan forced himself to chuckle, hoping his voice sounded light and unconcerned as he explained that he had already made plans to take Ruthie to the dance. He saw the brief flash of relief in Trixie’s expression as she happily accepted Jim’s invitation. He swallowed heavily. He had done the right thing. He knew it. It hurt. But there she was, gazing at Jim with stars in her eyes. What else could he do? He wouldn’t be dancing with her this time.
Whatever makes you happy.
Whatever you want.
You’re so very special.
I wish I was special.
But I’m a creep.
I’m a weirdo.
"I can see your point of view," Jim said quietly. "But I can see my father’s- Sleepyside’s-too. I have to back him on selling the land."
"And I have to back Mr. Maypenny in trying to stop him," he replied.
The two boys looked at each other steadily for a moment…
There it was. The unspoken, unacknowledged rivalry. Dan had no doubt what Jim was thinking. They would side with him. Trixie would side with him. Once again, Dan was alone.
Abruptly, he gathered up his things and walked away. Right now, he didn’t want to face any of them.
I don’t belong here.
I don’t belong here.
The End
Okay, let’s see… I quoted The Black Jacket Mystery; the Mystery of the Blinking Eye; The Secret of the Unseen Treasure; The Mystery at Saratoga; the Mystery of the Midnight Marauder; and the Mystery at Maypenny’s. All credited to Kathryn Kenny and Random House.
The song is CREEP, by Radiohead.
Couldn’t look you in the eyes.
You’re just like an angel.
Your skin makes me cry.
You float like a feather,
In a beautiful world.
Everything else was forgotten. She came out from behind the rock as Luke and Dan were turning away from the flickering fire.
"Dan! You’ve got to help me! Bobby’s caught in a hole, and I can’t pull him out!" She stumbled and fell to her knees and burst out crying.
Dan stopped, staring in amazement…
Oh, God. What was she doing here? Now? Dan knew the way of gangs all too well. If he didn’t go with Luke, the older boy would carry out his threat and turn him in to the cops, accusing him of assaulting Mr. Maypenny, and robbing the Wheelers. The sight of Trixie, sobbing into her hands, made his throat constrict uncomfortably. Why should he help her? She’s been cold and distrustful from the start. But then he remembered those oh-so-disapproving china blue eyes and the deep felt need that he had to prove her wrong. He wanted so much for her to look at him with something other than contempt, something more. He wanted to be worthy…It didn’t matter what Luke did or said. He couldn’t leave Trixie here, alone, desperate. She needed him. What else really mattered in the end?
… and then, dropping his bag, he ran to her while Luke stood watching with a scowl.
"Trixie!" He helped her to her feet. "What’s the idea of being way out here after dark? Don’t you have any brains?"
Harsh. Inwardly, he winced. Was it fear that made him chastise her? Dimly he was aware of Luke ranting about the "little snoop." He ignored him. Trixie’s tear-filled eyes tore at him in a way that was unfamiliar and alarming. If Luke would wait for him, fine. If not, he’d have to sort it out later. That was that.
And I wish I was special.
You’re so very special.
But I’m a creep.
I’m a weirdo.
What the hell am I doing here?
I don’t belong here.
Dan wondered if his heartbeat would ever slow to a normal rate. He listened to the officer describe the scum that had almost hurt her, all the while, his gaze fixed on her pale, frightened face.
"The whole place is a rat run."
"I know," he said. "Why you ever came here, Trixie…."
Trixie’s blue eyes filled with tears.
"How did you find me?" she asked weakly.
"It was Dan," Mart answered.
"Not me entirely," he replied quickly, nervous in the spotlight. "If it hadn’t been for the doorman…"
He let the others talk. They were ushered into cabs and soon they were back in the apartment. Again the explanations were required. He told his story quietly, without flair.
"Trixie, we called the police and they came right away. That ride in the squad car was the longest ride I ever took in my life."
Did she know what he was really telling her? It was the truth. None of the horrors of losing his parents, of life on the street, of going up before the judge in juvenile, none of these things compared to the total abject terror that had washed over him the moment he realized just how much trouble she was in this time.
And yesterday she had danced with him. Him. He had tried to warn her, letting her know he’d probably trample her toes, and she hadn’t cared a bit. It had been wonderful. It had been heavenly. It had ended way too soon. For a few, precious minutes, she had been his. And then she was almost lost to them all.
She reached for Jim’s hand first, before taking his. He looked away.
I don’t care if it hurts.
I want to have control.
I want a perfect body.
I want a perfect soul.
I want you to notice,
When I’m not around.
"Help me, Dan--don’t let them move in any direction except toward the stable."
Dan grinned and jumped to herd Trixie in the right direction. As he touched her arm, his grin vanished abruptly...
For the first time ever, he was genuinely angry with her. Furious. She knew better. And Jim knew better. This is what they could expect from Mr. Honorable? His grip tightened on her arm, and an argument ensued.
A few minutes later, he knew his mistake.
"I’m sorry. I should have realized I know you guys well enough to know you wouldn’t try anything so dumb. That smell just--"
Honey cut him off before he could fully explain. He wanted them all to understand. He wanted her to understand. The idea of her sinking into the world he had so narrowly escaped stopped him cold. Was she mad at him? She didn’t seem too mad. But surely, his lack of faith would have upset her. He caught himself almost sneering at Jim. Lack of faith was Jim’s department, not his.
And the conversation continued, discussing Max and poor Mrs. Elliot. Dan listened, and supplied his opinion, and, as always, still felt as if he was only on the outside, looking in.
You’re so very special.
I wish I was special.
But I’m a creep.
I’m a weirdo.
What the hell am I doing here?
I don’t belong here.
He was worried about his uncle. Very worried. He didn’t want to believe the facts that seemed to be staring at him in his face. She was worried, too. He could tell by the way she lowered her voice and suggested they go outside to talk. He knew, if anyone could solve this mess, it was Trixie. He’d thrown in a word of caution, feeling some strange obligation to do so, and also let her know, in his own way, how much he believed in her. And she had blushed. She had actually blushed.
In her haste to leave the library without a confrontation with the librarian, Trixie rose too quickly and hit the back of the chair seat with her leg, sending the chair tumbling backward to the floor with a resounding crash. Flustered, Trixie whirled around to set it upright, got tangled in the chair legs, and tumbled to the floor.
Honey was giggling. He stared down at her, hard pressed to keep from laughing himself. It was awfully funny. But somehow, he managed to keep a relatively straight face. He wouldn’t laugh at her. He knew how much she hated to be laughed at. He knew the other Bob-Whites felt no such reluctance. Didn’t they see how much it hurt her? He rose from his seat, watching as she tried to disentangle herself. Really, she was such a klutz. She was absolutely adorable. Reaching down, he took one of her hands and helped her to her feet. He sent Trixie and Honey outside while he quickly gathered up the books and straightened up the mess they’d made. He hoped she wasn’t too embarrassed. Probably not, he reflected with a sigh, she probably wasn’t at all. Probably right now she was just enormously thankful Jim hadn’t been around to see another one of her infamous falls.
She’s running out again.
She’s running out.
She’s run run run running out.
"In that case, Dan," Jim said slowly, "that leaves only one female between the two of us."
Dan forced himself to chuckle, hoping his voice sounded light and unconcerned as he explained that he had already made plans to take Ruthie to the dance. He saw the brief flash of relief in Trixie’s expression as she happily accepted Jim’s invitation. He swallowed heavily. He had done the right thing. He knew it. It hurt. But there she was, gazing at Jim with stars in her eyes. What else could he do? He wouldn’t be dancing with her this time.
Whatever makes you happy.
Whatever you want.
You’re so very special.
I wish I was special.
But I’m a creep.
I’m a weirdo.
"I can see your point of view," Jim said quietly. "But I can see my father’s- Sleepyside’s-too. I have to back him on selling the land."
"And I have to back Mr. Maypenny in trying to stop him," he replied.
The two boys looked at each other steadily for a moment…
There it was. The unspoken, unacknowledged rivalry. Dan had no doubt what Jim was thinking. They would side with him. Trixie would side with him. Once again, Dan was alone.
Abruptly, he gathered up his things and walked away. Right now, he didn’t want to face any of them.
I don’t belong here.
I don’t belong here.
The End
Okay, let’s see… I quoted The Black Jacket Mystery; the Mystery of the Blinking Eye; The Secret of the Unseen Treasure; The Mystery at Saratoga; the Mystery of the Midnight Marauder; and the Mystery at Maypenny’s. All credited to Kathryn Kenny and Random House.
The song is CREEP, by Radiohead.
